Safety Last

We know this is hardly the weather for it, but we’ve recently been thinking about Alton Towers and other theme parks. In particular, the rides that have a camera on a pole and take a photo of you as you whiz by. It costs about £5 to buy a photo of you looking wet and petrified.

In an attempt not to be outdone, the police will also happily take a photo of you as you whiz by their own cameras. The main difference is that they charge £60. Criminal!

The police call them ‘safety cameras’, and don’t we all feel much safer knowing that they’re there for our safety? The problem is we don’t think safety cameras are all they’re cracked up to be. Phil recently drove past one at 30mph with his head in a lion’s mouth, but he wasn’t flashed.

Rather than being about safety, we’re beginning to wonder if they’re actually speed-related.

Just a thought!

Phil & Steve

What NOT to say on Valentine's Day

It's that special day of the year where everyone likes to hear those three little words: "More prawn crackers?" Yes, it's Chinese New Year today but don't forget that it's also Valentine's Day.

Here’s a list of things to avoid saying if you’re planning a first date today:

• I really think my attitude has changed. A couple of years ago I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
• This restaurant isn’t as good as the one I was going to take you to, but I’ve got this 2 for 1 voucher.
• Remind me to go to the bathroom at 7pm; I need to put my cream on.
• What children’s names do you like?
• I remember you from school. Have you put weight on?
• That’s an interesting kiss. It's not how your sister does it.

Phil & Steve

Sneaky Restaurants

Have you noticed that restaurants are tricking you into buying their food? Rather than calling their dishes what they really are, restaurants often give them a foreign name to convince you that the food must be good.

“We’ll start with the Hors d’Oeuvres for two” should be met with the response “Certainly sir, I’ll get your coats and a couple of spades”. That’s because Hors d’Oeuvres is French for ‘outside work’.

How about some green sauce on your main course? You’d be silly not to ask what’s in it. Spinach, mushy peas, moss? But who cares? The restaurant calls it Salsa Verde and no-one even asks! (Beware of the bright spark who asks whether it comes with a side order of Anton du Beke to dance the Salsa Verde.)

How about ending your meal with some burnt cream in a little pot? Of course not, but call it the same thing in a different language and Crème Brûlée becomes a constant best-seller.

Beware of these sneaky restaurants!

We'll be back soon with more observations on language and life. In the meantime, if you have any observations of your own for possible use in a future article or in our next book, please get in touch.

Phil & Steve