The Weird and Wonderful World of Freecycle

Many of you will know about Freecycle, or the identical break-away group Freegle. Both are online forums where members offer goods to each other, free of charge, which may otherwise have ended up in landfill.

I'm building up quite a collection of posts sent to my local group which are unintentionally funny. I saw these two today.

"with this hot weather its really hard 2 sleep with no air in the house if any kind person has any they dont want please help us thank you"

Surely it's easy to sleep if there's no air in the house; the tricky part would be waking up again. The quoted sentence (and I use that word quite wrongly) was the body of the message in its entirety, but the subject given was "fans". So I think "any they don't want" refers to fans rather than air.

"wanted chester drawes and wardrobes"

I have nothing to say about this one. It's your decision whether you laugh or cry, but you should be ashamed if you don't do one or the other.

Steve

All Set for Liverpool

We're all set for our next book signing, which will be on Saturday 1st May at Waterstone's in Liverpool One, the shopping area in the centre of Liverpool. We'll be there from 1.30pm, and at 3.30 we'll say a few words about the funny things we've recently seen and heard, as well as sharing some of our latest amusing thoughts on life.

For example, we think Andrew Lloyd Webber needs to calm down. Every time he hears a great story he makes a song and dance about it.

We hope to see you there.

Phil & Steve

Life Isn't to be Taken Literally

As you may know, in the biggest chapter of our book Phil and I give an insight into what the world would be like if we all took everyday sayings literally. The book was written purely for comedy value, but a conversation I recently overheard shows that some people actually DO take everyday sayings literally.

As two friends were walking along, one said to the other: “…and he bumped into her. Well, he didn’t bump into her; she was sitting down.”

If you’d heard that first-hand I’m sure you’d be clear, as I was, that there wasn’t really a ‘bump’, it’s just that the two people met unexpectedly. The speaker thought otherwise and needed to be sure that if we were acting out the story in our minds the characters were physically positioned so that they could bump if they wanted to! Bless!

Almost apologetically she admitted that they couldn’t possibly have bumped if one of them was sitting down. I didn’t have the heart to interrupt and point out that if only she was sitting down, he could still have bumped into her.

When using an everyday saying, we advise you not to assume it’s being taken literally. Next we’ll be hearing things like: “It’ll cost a bomb. Well, that might not be true because I’m not involved in the munitions industry so don’t know the going rate for bombs. I’m so sorry I said that.”

Once you’ve said something, let sleeping dogs lie. Well, you can wake them up if you want to. And you can let awake dogs tell lies as well if you must.

Steve

Library Recognition

By the subject 'Library Recognition', I don't mean that we're going to play a game where I show you photos of different libraries and you have to say which they are. That would be silly. Stop it!

It means that libraries in Flintshire and Lancashire have started to recognise our hard work by stocking our book.

Phil was visiting his local library (located within John Summers High School in Queensferry, Flintshire) and saw the book had been given a prominent position within the shelving - and its own stand! You can see it here.

We've since established that the book is also in Lancaster, Preston and Burnley city/town centre libraries.

So now having no money isn't a valid excuse for not reading our book! Support your local library, and if they don't have any copies of the book please tell them how behind the times they are and ask them to order you a copy - and they will. The title information you might need is here.

For anyone who prefers my original idea of 'Library Recognition', see if you can spot Kansas City Library in this photo.

Steve

New Signing Date

The book signing at Waterstone's in Liverpool One (the shopping area in the centre of Liverpool) scheduled for 6th March was postponed due to the desire of Phil's son, Callum, to be born a few days earlier than he had initially indicated. Callum had obviously heard about the observations that Phil and Steve were going to share with shoppers and didn't want to miss the event.

We will now be at Waterstone's on Saturday 1st May, signing copies of the book from 1-3pm, and at 3.30pm presenting our latest comedy talk on the funny things we've recently seen and heard. A list of events at the store is here (if we're not listed we will be soon).

At this stage we aren't in a position to confirm a guest appearance by Callum, but we'll certainly see what we can do. Our previous signings and presentations have been very successful, so we hope to see you in Liverpool where you can see for yourself what all the fuss is about!

Phil & Steve

The Golden Vegetable soup that wasn't

I recently bought a tin of Golden Vegetable soup but was disappointed to find no golden vegetable inside. I chose that particular soup because it was only £1 and I thought I’d be able to extract the golden vegetable and sell it on, making a bit of money in the process.

Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that the label had been lying all along. In fact all the vegetables were green and orange. Discovering a huge golden turnip was unlikely, given the size of the tin, but I didn’t think I was being unreasonable in expecting at least a golden carrot.

Steve

Safety Last

We know this is hardly the weather for it, but we’ve recently been thinking about Alton Towers and other theme parks. In particular, the rides that have a camera on a pole and take a photo of you as you whiz by. It costs about £5 to buy a photo of you looking wet and petrified.

In an attempt not to be outdone, the police will also happily take a photo of you as you whiz by their own cameras. The main difference is that they charge £60. Criminal!

The police call them ‘safety cameras’, and don’t we all feel much safer knowing that they’re there for our safety? The problem is we don’t think safety cameras are all they’re cracked up to be. Phil recently drove past one at 30mph with his head in a lion’s mouth, but he wasn’t flashed.

Rather than being about safety, we’re beginning to wonder if they’re actually speed-related.

Just a thought!

Phil & Steve